Go or Stay?

When I was growing up, you didn't see a lot of kids with disabilities in the community. I know they were there somewhere, because they had their "special class" in our school building. I just never saw them at the movies, the store or even the park. Of course, it wasn't something I thought about at the time. Now looking back, I get it. I understand just a little of what went through the mind of parents, and a little of why I never saw kids with disabilities in the community.

Today, with a bigger push for inclusion in schools and the community, you would think that you would see more parents bringing their kids to the store, movies, the mall, or even library story time. Well, here's my views on the problem. The workers in the community today are from my generation. A generation when, although kids with disabilities were in our school buildings, they were not included. A generation that was indirectly taught that kids with disabilities were "different," and in some cases even taught that they were "less than." I'm sure that none of my teachers had the plan to effect the future in such a way. Back then (really, not that long ago...I'm only 30), no one had any idea that they were continuing a cycle of discrimination against a minority group that still has to fight for equality!

So, as a parent, the question is: Do you go out where people may stare, where workers may ask you to tell your child to be quiet, where people might laugh? Or do you stay in the safety of your home where people "get it." A story: My daughter's caregiver and I took the kids to the Children's Museum last summer. We had a great time! It was Caitlyn's first time there, and of course Gunner's too, though he was only a few months old. Caitlyn had a blast, and there were no melt downs! I thought "this is wonderful, let's go get lunch!" Should I have known better? Yes probably, but I was on a high having a great day with my wonderful kids! So, we went to Burger King. We got our food and sat down. I took Gunner to get his diaper changed, and that's when it all ended. We came out of the restroom, after discovering there was no changing table, and heard it...The screaming had started. We turned the corner and saw it...The head banging had started. Caitlyn was in the midst of full on meltdown. She had reached her limit. It was time to go home. As we got bags to put our food in, I noticed something. It angered me and saddened me. Every single employee behind the counter at Burger King was staring. They were staring at my 7 yr old in the middle of complete meltdown. I was embarrassed. Not because my daughter was screaming. No, I was embarrassed for the employees and their complete lack of respect, tolerance and understanding. Being the out-spoken mom I am, I said something. Of course I could have been nicer, but my heart was hurting for what my girl was being put through. I looked directly at one of the staff and said "do you have a problem?" He looked at me shocked and said "I...no." I said "Then do you mind not staring? My daughter has a disability and is non-verbal. She's having a tough time, and you are making it worse by staring. You are embarrassing my daughter! Learn some tolerance for people who are different than you!" We packed up and left. It is scary. We could have stayed home that day...We could have gone through the drive thru. We could have done a lot of things. Instead, I decided to try and make it a "normal" day full of "normal" events. By taking the chance that someone might laugh or stare, we had a GREAT time at the children's museum. Yes, they stared. But I had the opportunity to educate people about disabilities.

There are so many disabilities, especially in children, that you can't tell. A child with Autism looks just like a typical child the same way. They may talk a little different, or scream because they don't have the words. I think that many people in the generation of todays adults think "disability" and they see a wheel chair, someone who is blind, or someone who is deaf. They don't see a common looking child, and think disability. So, as difficult as it is to face it time and time again, I say Go! I say take the chance once in awhile to be part of the commnity with your kids. Who knows, by taking that chance you just might educate someone about your child and their disability.